‘Best Stories’ Stories
Why are you walking like that?
View all posts by grade7teacherOne of my grade 7 students came into class in the morning with what looked like a limp. He was holding his groin area and looked to be in some pain. This was the school day before Halloween, so a lot of students were dressed up in costumes. When I asked him what happened he tells me that he tried to scare his little sister this morning. She’s in grade 4, by the way. He had a monster mask on and was waiting for his sister in her closet with a plastic axe. He tells me that when she opened it, he screamed at her while pretending to swing a plastic axe at her and she then kicked him in the balls really really hard.
The Ladies Don’t Complain
View all posts by grade7teacherLast week we participated in the Terry Fox Run at my school to raise money for cancer research. Having the oldest students in the school, most of my grade 7 class was finished the run before everyone else. It was a very hot day and the students were drinking water after they had finished when I see one boy in my class take his shirt off and pour water over his head. I tell him to put his shirt back on and he resonds by saying, “Why? The ladies don’t complain!”
Felt just like kindergarten cop
View all posts by grade7teacherI teach grade 7 throughout the year but for the first week of school I had all of the kindergarten students until we figured out class placements for all the students. The school had a pancake breakfast one morning where the students all got pancakes and juice boxes. Normally this would be easy to manage in a grade 7 class, but with a bunch of kindergarten students and little experience with that age I found myself juggling many things at once to try and keep order. I can see many of the students begin to feel the sugar rush from their juice and pancakes as they take their first few bites. All of a sudden I hear a girl scream, “Oh no! There’s a fly on my pancake!” The boy next to her responds to this by smashing his fist into her pancake covered with syrup missing the fly. As the fly speeds out of the way another girl has the bright idea to try and hit the fly by squirting juice from her juice box at it. This idea became contagious within a matter of seconds and before 10 seconds was up I was feeling like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop when he first goes into his class. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then this is the clip from Kindergarten Cop http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYU-uQNKQI8&feature=related
Stating the Obvious?!
View all posts by DancingQueenRecently I was helping out backstage at a year end performance for all our dancing students. I was organizing the youngest of our dancing groups when one of our smallest 3 year old dancers pipes up and says “You have BOOBS!” at the top of her lungs! Somehow she managed to yell this right when the rest of the auditorium had fallen silent. Talk about bad timing!
What happens when a cow comes to your school?
View all posts by WestCoastTeacherWe had a group come to our school that did a presentation on dairy cows recently. They brought their trailer to the field and had a cow on display and were showing the students how they milk a cow among many other things. One student (I think he’s in grade 5) in the front row was sitting near the cow’s tail and was making silly faces at the cow. All of a sudden the cow lets a large load go and some cow dung splatters on to the boy making faces in the front row. Let’s just say he wasn’t making any more faces at the cow after this!
He stole my boyfriend!
View all posts by MrTeacherI was teaching a grade 5/6 class the other day and a girl comes in after recess and heads straight towards me with an upset look on her face. Without hesitating she says, “Alannah stole my boyfriend and she’s not giving him back.” I’m somewhat confused and ask her what she means. She says, “I told her that I love Edward Cullen (you know that heartthrob from the Twilight books and movies…yeah, right!) and she told me she loves him more and she took a picture I had of him and kissed him and now she won’t give it back or take it back.”
Oh Boy…
View all posts by DancingQueenWhile teaching a beginner level dance class I excused a very little boy to go to the bathroom. Typically at this age the parents of the students stay close by to assist their children if needed. Assuming his mother was outside with the rest of the parents, I excused the boy. A few minutes went by and the boy returned to the class looking rather sheepish. Suspicious of his demeanour, I asked the boy if everything was okay. He proceeded to take me into the boys’ bathroom where it became glaringly apparent that this little boy had never seen or used a urinal before and, while he attempted to do a good job, suffice it to say that the janitors had a load on their hands that night!
But I’m not a BOY!
View all posts by DancingQueenI was recently teaching a dance class in which small children were beginning to learn a partnering dance. Each pair should consist of a boy and a girl, but in a class full of girls, the tallest ones frequently get assigned to the ‘boy’ role. I was separating the girls into the ‘girl’ role and the ‘boy’ role when I told one little one that she would be the ‘boy’ today. I moved on to the next group when this little girl, very agitated, began pulling on my shirt. I looked at her when she loudly exclaimed “But I can’t be a boy because I don’t have a weiner!!”. I suppose this little girl was right!
Rock, paper, scissor… laser sword???
View all posts by MrTeacherI was doing a volleyball unit with my PE 9 class and we were about to start a game when I had the two opposing centres play rock, paper, scissors to see what team serves first. The two girls go rock, paper, scissors and one girl shows rock and the other one pulls out a sandwich sword (you know the one that they put in your BLT or clubhouse to hold it together) and calls out “LASER SWORD!” I ask her what she’s doing and she tells me that the laser sword beats rock, paper and scissors. Apparently it is from a milk commercial that I saw later that night (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QoFRNfIk60 if you want to see it). I had never heard of a laser sword before and the question still remained: Why did she bring a sandwich sword in for the game? I could only think: If only she came this prepared with her gym strip everyday!
Strike two and three
View all posts by TheTeacherWe were about to start a game of capture the flag when I hear one the boys shout, “We’re going to kick your @#$!” I quickly respond: “That’s one strike for you Billy. Remember… 3 strikes and you’re out.” I receive a look back from Billy as if he knew that was coming and he was just testing me to see how much he is going to be able to get away with. I hand each team their flag and the go over to their side of the large grass field surrounded by bushes and large oak trees to hide it. After a while of playing the game I hear complaints that one team can’t find the other team’s flag.
I look over to Billy and ask, “Where did your team hide the flag?” Billy reaches his hand down his shorts with a look of mild-mannered look of disgust on his face at what he feels. After a second of this he pulls out the flag. I look in shock at Billy and say, “Why don’t we call that strike two and three.”
